ridiculously long title for a change

I’m Totally Not Miserable At All

Well, colour me disgusted, because the blood just went all over the place. I don’t mean to be overly graphic, but have you seen what happens when someone rips the lid off a running blender?
There’s pieces of you everywhere, all because of one badass little ranged weapon. You’d have liked to own that launcher, I think.

BTW, this isn’t what I meant when I said I want you all over me.

Your remains are bleeding into the ground. No poetic last words, definitely no teary hug. Not a final confession, apology, insult, no truth to cap it all off. Just a heap of ground meat that the rest of us can’t even eat.

Oh, look, there’s a finger pointing in my general direction and also slightly to my left. SYMBOLISMWTFOMFGGENIUS!!!! Yeah, yeah, you accuse me, and I know what you’re thinking. I was standing beside you, both of us seeing the gun, me in a great positive to sidestep just a bit and be hero for the day. Knee-jerk for me, also simpler for me because it’s you. Let myself blow up in your face to save your face from being blown up? No problem.

So, ‘betrayal’ is the final verdict? Try: ‘cowardice’, ‘fear’, ‘slow reflexes’. What an expressive language English is. I don’t believe in the afterlife, but there’s hatred somewhere in that pretty head of yours, now resembling a jigsaw puzzle. Not suitable for those ages 3 and below or those who are terrified of having their crush’s brain explode in front of them.

Yeah, so I watched while you got shot. ‘Sacrifice’ is a lame word, overused by emo 13-year-olds writing dark literature on MySpace.

You’re thinking all of this as you go on your merry way. Your heart is smashed, those elegant fingers dipped in your own blood, what a sight- beautiful because it’s not me lying there.

‘Dude! How’d she die??’

‘Blasted with a really powerful gun.’

‘And you stood by and watched! Aren’t you even a little bit guilty, especially since you like her?’

‘Listen to me. No, listen, don’t sneer at me and turn your nose the other way. Imagine if I jumped that gun for her. Imagine her standing amongst my bits and pieces wondering why she isn’t blown mile-high into the sky. Her mind slowly playing the memory of me throwing myself in front of her. A literal meat shield.’

In an alternate universe, you stood there while lucky me, I’m dead and so are my feeling organs. No guilt, no sadness, not even a little. No, because you’re the one feeling all of that. You get? No matter what you think of me, I won’t do that to you. I won’t sacrifice myself for you, so that you’ll live and remember what your friend did to earn the remainder of your life.

Call it sick logic, but it’s my logic, and what other school of thought am I supposed to follow?

So please, even if you’re dead as a stick (an exploded stick? Pfft, sometimes I make jokes, and this is what happens), please understand. Listen to me- and just don’t…

…don’t think too badly of me.

‘Eyy, I’m sayin’, you should’ve just done it anyway.’

‘Shut up. I’m gonna go vomit somewhere else. Clear this mess up, and burn it or whatever.  You believe in reincarnation, don’t you? She oughta come back as something that’s evolved bulletproof armour.’

((Not mine, obviously))

The very first time I remember you, you are blonde and don’t love me back.
The next time you are brunette, and you do.
After a while I give up trying to guess if the colour of your hair means anything.
because even if you don’t exist, I am always in love with you.
I remember most fondly those lifetimes where we get to grow up together,
when you share your secrets and sorrows and hiding places with me.
I love how you play along with my bad ideas,
before you grow up and realize they are bad ideas.
(And in our times together I have many bad ideas.)
When we meet as adults you’re always much more discerning. I don’t blame you.
Yet, always, you forgive me.
As if you understand what’s going on, and you’re making up for
all the lifetimes in which one of us doesn’t exist,
and the ones where we just, barely, never meet.
I hate those. I prefer the ones in which you kill me.
But when all’s said and done, I’d surrender to you in other ways.
Even though each time, I know I’ll see you again, I always wonder
is this the last time?
Is that really you?
And what if you’re perfectly happy
without me?
Ah, but I don’t blame you; I’ll never burn as brilliantly as you. It’s only fair
that I should be the one
to chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes
until I find the one where you’ll return to me.

Screw Literature

I butchered a villanelle written for English Literature because I dislike writing structured poems. I might post that in a bit because this site is an archive, anyway.

It always begins the same, voices on the ascendant
Why yes, we’d very much like to get a rise out of each other
Harsh silence follows the slamming of the door

Pounding cobblestone and gravel to forget
Haunting the same old, same old places
I know you won’t be here when I return

Pick up the phone and then put it down
Pick up the phone and then shut it down

Accept the offerings; the climax wanes
Wordless thanks making up for lack of warmth
As expected, your gifts are still the same

It’s classic–sweetness after the storm
You remember how to play this, don’t you?
‘GAME OVER: >Continue or >Continue’

And finally we mark a mental date
Waiting for the next spark, I lie quietly
But I suppose I wouldn’t know anyway
But I’ve grown used to the endless hate anyway

Look, I know it’s a lame title (Transformice fanfiction)

Death Incoming!

The true meaning of ‘doomsday’. Humor and ‘horror’.

It’s all over. Today, I die. Oh, cruel world.

One by one, my tribemates disappear. Pixels melting away into the void that is my final destination. The TV blares music for nobody to listen to. Even our brave clan leader, even him:

‘Goodbye…’ I wouldn’t forget the despair written across his face and in his eyes and across his paws and tattooed on his belly.

It’s so empty. Those plush sofas are still warm from the mice that had just unwillingly vacated the scene.

Same in the vanilla rooms. I climb the wall all by myself, nibbling on the cheese- my last meal.

Nobody to share it with.

I think of my girlfriend. My mistress. My best friend. My clan leader. Who’s kinda hot. Even the dumb tribe newbies I was planning to haze by chucking cannonballs at them.

I will miss you all…

The sky is crumbling, oh, no shaman can help us now. Perhaps our Goddess will finally descend from the heavens to save us all. Or maybe, this is her doing. What if she’s doomed us all? We’re not worthy of her holiness. Not worthy of her holy wings. They’re larger than any I’ve ever seen. They’re beautiful. I want wings so badly. What was I talking about?

If the fury of the gods were to manifest itself, is there anything anyone can do about it?

I accept my fate.

• [SERVER] The server will restart in 2 minutes.

Happy 25th of July



This tiny slice passed to each other and handled so delicately, timing each and every pause, glance, and bated breath.

A spar? More like a fluttering of words, branching out into categories or endings; no backtracking now.

I am a hypocrite; I hide behind my veil of hidden meanings, weighing the words, while trying to decipher you, and I don’t know who I should blame when I fail to do so.

such cruelty, spinning round and round within the different pathways. Who?

I do not know the numbers. Is this the last such exchange? Possible, this dictates another ending/a different route to take/the same old, same old

I cannot see it. I cannot see you.

Working hard to get rid of the sugar, I present my thoughts, or so you think. Or so I think.

Can I replay this? Can I save this? Can I do it all over again?

I do not know, and I walk away, still imagining consequences.

hiatus: update

i’ve written like 20 pieces in the I swear I love drabble series, including some Interludes that are in a different format, but I won’t post them all at once because I want the series to be spread out. however I haven’t done too much else, other than a HUGE Touhou fic I’m super proud of

once I get that done it’s coming!! I’m super excited

as a writer I am incapable of writing long serieses with a coherent plot throughout, I prefer one-shots, but this fic is like my baby

it has some plot too


temporary break

yo, just got my mac back, it’s still making crackling sounds and safari crashes once every 5 mins, but i’ve got chrome so it’s all good

some of the keys don’t work but sigh this is still better than i could’ve hoped for, no data loss yet (?)

so there’s gonna be another hiatus while i sort things out and start grinding on fr, i’ve been away too long